nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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