He uses pillows to masturbate.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
