You're so nebulous sometimes
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
