i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
