Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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