I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I faked an abortion last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
