If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
