so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
