Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
