He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
