um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
