i can't believe i had my finger in that
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
