I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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