I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
