apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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