is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
