Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
