I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They took my balls.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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