If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
