Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
