Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
