Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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