theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
