Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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