he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
