We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
