HIV tests are more positive than that guy
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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