toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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