So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
