When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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