Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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