he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
