I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize