He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I forget how to act sober
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
