was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
