forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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