9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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