Don't make out with my wife yet
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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