I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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