i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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