Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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