so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
