belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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