if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
