I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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