oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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