I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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