Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
