So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
