i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
