Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
