We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Terrible idea I love it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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