No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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