How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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