I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
