Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
