Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
