Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Drake has all the answers
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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