she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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