Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
