Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So vagazzling was a success
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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