we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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