is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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