A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hippo gnu deer
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
