can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
