She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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