Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
