Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
