I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
