did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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