If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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