Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
